Family Meeting
by seriousish
Summary: Emma's first and last mother-daughter threesome, Swan Queen
1. Chapter 1

Emma was really getting to hate ships. It'd only been a few hours, but already she was sick of being cooped up on a Pirates of the Caribbean ride while her son was in danger. Pretty much the only thing to do onboard was be leered at by Hook, so she went downstairs—or whatever the fancy-schmancy nautical term was for that—and found a cabinet to do some pull-ups on. Probably better on the ship than punching the walls.

One thing she'd say for being the Savior, it was doing wonders for her quads.

"Feeling the burn, Miss Swan?" Regina asked, after who knew how many minutes of watching her. Emma hadn't noticed her come in, seeing as Regina was a creepy witch who could probably teleport in if she wanted to.

"Getting ready for a fight," Emma replied.

"Yes. I'm sure the muscle mass you gain in the two hours it will take us to reach Neverland will come in most helpful. Then again, your backside is looking rather nice…"

Emma forced herself up to the ceiling instead of dropping down and putting a fist through Regina's smug face. "Is there a reason you're here or do you just get bloated if you aren't sarcastic every half-hour?"

Emma felt more than saw Regina's smile. "I came to offer my services."

"Yeah, I don't have any stepdaughters I want psychotic revenge on, thanks."

The wooden bench behind Emma creaked as Regina sat down on it. Emma could just picture her crossing those long legs, fixing her with a superior stare.

"I do revenge gratis. This you would be expected to… reciprocate."

"You want to bake me something apple-y? Because I think that and revenge are the only two things you're good at. And honestly, you're not that hot at revenge, seeing as your arch-nemesis has lived to be a grandmother."

Emma dropped down in time to see Regina's smile ice over. Her eyes stayed fixed on Emma with a casually malicious intent. "Three things I'm good at. I hereby offer my services at servicing you."

Emma thought of making a sex joke. Nah, too easy. "I think I'll take you up on that. As soon as we get back, you can change my car's oil."

"I meant sexually."

Emma paused a moment, saw Regina's arched eyebrow, and burst out laughing.

"You're tense. Unfocused. Distracted. You need to clear your head if you truly want to be ready for a fight. I happen to be very good at that."

Emma laughed louder. "You need to work on your pick-up lines, your highness. Honestly."

"When we stopped the diamond from destroying Storybrooke, our magicks merged. We connected. There's a link between us, and we can use it to our betterment. Didn't you feel it? A warm tingle throughout your body?" Regina tilted her head to the side. "I tingled."

"Look, maybe in the Enchanted Forest, doing magic together is your version of watching a Channing Tatum movie, but in the real world, it's just doing magic together. I didn't tingle. There was no tingling."

"Have you had erotic dreams about me yet? I took a catnap earlier and I had the most vivid experience of riding you like a pony."

"Oh my God!" Emma rolled her eyes.

"Yes, it was most intriguing."

"I am not having sex with you, Regina! We hate each other! You've tried to kill me! You're a woman!"

Regina held up a finger. "Which of those is a good reason for us not to have sex?"

"All of them!"

"Alright. I'll respect your decision." Regina stood. "I do love the thrill of the hunt, as it were, even if you are wasting valuable time we could be spending on coitus. But just so you know, for your sex dream, I do wax and I have a single tattoo reading 'Happy Ending,' although I'll leave to your imagination where it is."

With one last insouciant look at Emma's bared, sweating arms, Regina took her leave.

"There was no need for coitus to be in that sentence," Emma moaned.

* * *

Just an hour later, that weird talk with Regina seemed like it'd happened on another planet. The sea was boiling in anger, the ship was damaged by mermaids, and Regina had turned a woman into mahogany. _At least she has good taste, _Emma thought, before the others decided the best thing for the situation would be to start making beef jerky with each others' faces.

Emma saw Mary-Margaret fighting Regina, David fighting Hook, and tried to decide who to help. She'd really like to punch Hook, but then, she had an opportunity to do so pretty much every week. How many chances did she get to punch Regina?

Then she realized. Punching wasn't the solution, it was the problem! The storm was feeding on their anger. She had to stop them, but how? She tried yelling; that didn't work. Maybe she could throw herself overboard? No, that was just stupid.

Lightning struck the mast, doing surprisingly little damage for what was traditionally thought of as pure God-anger. She didn't have much time. An idea occurred to Emma. Running up to Regina, she pulled her away from Mary-Margaret, saw the queen raise her fist to attack Emma as well, kissed her before she could take a swing.

It then occurred to her this wasn't necessarily a good idea.

Mary-Margaret stared, shocked out of her somewhat adorable berserker rage, as Emma pulled free of Regina's lips. Regina looked even more bewildered, blinking like she had something in her eye besides very well-applied mascara.

"You call that a kiss?" Regina said at last, and pulled Emma back to her.

Regina's kiss was dominating, pure and simple. Emma felt herself bent backwards, felt Regina's hand clawing into her ass, felt another hand tugging at her hair. When Regina ended it by snapping at her lower lip hard enough to draw blood, it was almost a step-down from how rough she'd been with her tongue.

"Emma, you're gay?" Mary-Margaret looked between them. "Regina, _you're _gay? Is everyone gay?" She looked to the upper deck, where David was straddling Hook, the two men choking each other.

"I'm not gay!" Emma cried.

"Yes, the proper term is bisexual," Regina added.

"It was the only way I could think of to get you to stop fighting!"

"Did you try throwing yourself overboard?" Mary-Margaret asked.

"This seemed like the option that would have me smelling less like fish."

"Don't count on it," Regina added.

"You're not helping!" Emma brushed the wet hair out of her eyes. "The storm is feeding off our emotions! We have to believe in each other, believe in—"

Regina waved her off. "Yes, yes, got it, no need for Oscar clip moment. Well, it should be a simple matter to stop psychopathic magic. Just remove the warring parties."

With a gesture, a pulley up by the mast broke loose and swooped down to clobber both Nolan and Hook. They hit the deck unconscious. The storm didn't abate.

"Unless, of course, their subconscious continues to possess the negative emotions feeding the storm." Regina was unapologetic. "Oops."

"Now what?" Emma yelled. "We wait for them to wake up and apologize to each other?"

"David's a very heavy sleeper!" Mary-Margaret shouted at the top of her lungs.

"We can always counteract the storm with positive emotions."

"Like what?" Emma demanded.

"I was hoping you'd ask."

Emma had time to feel fear, and a little bit of a blush, as Regina grabbed her by the belt and pulled her in for another kiss.

"We could try throwing Regina over the side!" Mary-Margaret suggested.

* * *

While Mary-Margaret tied the men to the rigging so they wouldn't fall overboard, Regina and Emma went below deck to…

Emma hadn't come up with a good euphemism yet. 'Performing magic' was way too Hallmark, and 'doing a trick' was right out.

"Well, savior, how about it?" Regina adopted a Southern accent; Emma had no idea what it was meant to imply. "Do you go in for foreplay or are you more of a wham, bam, thank you ma'am kind of gal?"

"I don't say thank you." Emma crossed her arms. "I'll strip down to my tanktop, but that's it. Nothing below the waist. No tongue."

"No _more _tongue, you mean."

"And no choking!" Emma gave up the 'intimidating arms crossed' pose to shake her finger at Regina. "I don't know if that's a thing for lesbians, but you totally seem like the type and I am not having it! My last three boyfriends all thought I got off on choking; well, I don't!"

"You seem to have strong feelings about this," Regina commented.

"You think a hickey is embarrassing, try bruise marks all around your throat. People thought I was being tugged around by a dog collar."

"So that's off-limits as well?"

Before Emma could reply, Mary-Margaret yelled down into the hold. "Emma, I don't mean to rush you, but a lightning bolt nearly fried me just now! Could you please just—could you please just hug it out?"

"She's right," Emma said. "Let's get this over with."

"No, no, we have plenty of time to talk about your feelings." Regina sat down. "Tell me what your favorite book was as a child? Go into detail; I _really _care."

"Fuck it," Emma said, and lunged at Regina.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Emma poked her head out into the stairway. "Uh, Mary-Margaret? Still there?"

"Yes, honey," Mary-Margaret replied, equally hesitant to see Emma.

"I still have my bra on!" Emma said quickly. "How, uh… how's the storm?"

"It's calmed down some, but there was a really big lightning strike a moment ago."

"That was me," Regina called. "Magic is very hard to control when you're… excited."

Mary-Margaret had an identical shudder; the wonders of biology.

"Your daughter is very exciting!" Regina continued.

"Yes, I get it!" Mary-Margaret looked up at the sky. Though it'd stopped raining, the dark clouds remained, and now they were spinning together like someone had opened a drain in the sky. In fact, it seemed to be whirling downward, forming a funnel… "It's a tornado!"

Emma ran up to look. "Shit!"

Regina, still below-deck, peeked through a porthole then said "Actually, on the ocean it's a waterspout."

Emma yelled down the stairs. "Regina, I let you get to second base, what the fuck!"

Regina craned her head to make eye contact. "I can only assume that two sources of positive emotion aren't enough to drown out two sources of negative emotion; three, if Mary-Margaret was feeling uncharitable about me licking her daughter."

"My _neck!_" Emma cried as soon as Mary-Margaret turned to face her. "She licked my _neck!"_

Straightening her clothes, Regina emerged from the hold. "If we truly want to get rid of this storm, we'll need three sources of positive emotion."

Mary-Margaret and Emma looked at her. Looked at each other again.

"So… all of us hugging?" Mary-Margaret asked.

Regina shook her head. "Did you see that wave back there? We practically remade The Perfect Storm. No—if we don't want to drown, we're going to need to get very… close."

"But… but she's my _mom_!" Emma yelped.

"I'm your grandmother; didn't see you complaining about that."

"Step-grandmother!" Mary-Margaret cried. "What kind of an idiot would object to that?"

"Relax, Charmings. I'm not asking for any mother-daughter bondage. Just leave everything to your beloved queen."

And that was how Emma and Mary-Margaret ended up backed against the wall, Regina between them, fingering a princess with either hand.

"Oh fuck," Emma breathed. She didn't know if the fact that Regina _really knew what she was doing _made the situation better or worse.

"Could we not talk?" Mary-Margaret was straining her eyes to look at the porthole and only the porthole on the other side of the room. "Let's not talk."

"Sorry, she's just really good at—"

"Let's especially not talk about that!" And Mary-Margaret bit her tongue as Regina thumbed her clit.

"It is an interesting point of fact," Regina extolled, her head lolling about to take in either of the women squirming in her grasp. "Nature vs. nurture. One would think, given that Emma was separated by her biological mother after birth, that her upbringing would lead to a strong divergence from Mary-Margaret. And yet, you both seem to love it when I do this—"

Both women threw their heads back, moaning wildly, as Regina stroked _that _spot.

"_Could you just get us off so we all don't die!?" _Emma screeched.

"Excuse me, it's not as if either of you are reciprocating. I'll take my pleasure where I can get it. Besides, I'm sure Mary-Margaret would approve of us all coming together as a family."

"Oh _fuck,_" Mary-Margaret said. This was so _wrong, _so _perverse, _so _disgusting_—she was really getting off on it.

"Oh my!" Regina exclaimed, watching Mary-Margaret quake. "I think mommy's finished early. Doesn't she want to spend more quality time with us?"

"You're sick."

"I didn't orgasm in my daughter's personal space." Regina smiled at Emma. "Not yet, at any rate. If you want to join the fun, I'm not wearing any panties."

"I am never having sex again," Emma muttered.

Regina eyed the porthole. The waterspout wasn't getting any closer, but it was still there. And she had no desire to get carpal tunnel syndrome.

"It's not enough. It can't just be me and Emma, Mary-Margaret and me. It has to be you two."

Mary-Margaret and Emma looked at each other for a long moment.

"No way!"

"Absolutely not!"

"No!"

"Well…"

"Hell no!"

Regina chuckled. "I didn't mean like _that, _though it's interesting it took you exactly seven seconds to dismiss the possibility of incest. I'm talking about reconciliation." She started stroking them again. "While I'm fingering you, of course."

Regina gave both of them a third finger. She knew Emma would love it, and like mother, like daughter.

Emma took a deep breath. "Mom, I'm sorry I _oh shit!_ sorry I snapped at you. I didn't mean it when I said _holy fuck _that I wish I hadn't broken the Curse. I love having you _yes oh yes _as a mom. I just wish you'd stop treating me like a _yes baby please oh baby… _baby."

Mary-Margaret was biting her lip. "Emma, I love you, I _love it I fucking love it_… I just want to help you like a good mother should _fuck, yes, Regina! _I'm so sorry you were given the disadvantages that you were, and I respect that _shit finger my cunt yes _you've learned your own lessons in life. But if you've learned to be some kind of cynical _fucker, Regina, you motherfucker _person! Then I can't accept that! I will always want you to _come, make me come Regina _be a good, caring, happy person and I will never give up on _fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!"_

Emma moaned and took Mary-Margaret's hand. Mary-Margaret moaned and squeezed Emma's. Then they slumped down the wall, twitching and breathing heavy.

Regina looked out the porthole. "Well, at least the _storm _isn't coming."

* * *

Emma did some more pull-ups. If there was one thing that could get her mind off sex, it was going up and down, up and down, faster and faster, sweating, breathing hard, almost like she was bouncing, bouncing on a—

Regina knocked on the open door. "Just checking: so you never _ever _want to talk about the time you and your mom had a simultaneous orgasm because I was fingering you?"

Emma dropped down to look at her. "It _never_ happened."

"Perhaps we should come up with a cover story then. After all, someday your father might be curious how I know that his wife tastes a little like blackberries, but his daughter is surprisingly sweet in comparison."

Emma felt a wave of heat go through her. She'd been pushing herself too hard during her work-out. That was all. "I should've just thrown myself overboard."

"Oh, don't blame yourself." Regina sauntered through the room, her hands knotted together, the first two fingers of one hand stroking the back of the other in a way that she knew brought back memories for Emma. "I was the one who knocked out Hook and your idiot father. If I hadn't, maybe we could've talked them out of fighting and the storm would've just gone away on its own. Who knows?"

"You do. You're the magic expert." Emma's brow furrowed. "You could've planned this whole thing."

Regina grinned. "Don't be ridiculous; why would I do that?"

Emma shrugged. Regina had a point. As fucked-up as she was, Emma didn't think she'd initiate a mother-daughter threesome just for the fun of it. Grunting at Regina, she grabbed her jacket.

"Besides," Regina needled, "everyone knows I'm not that hot at revenge."


	2. Chapter 2

Emma hadn't really wanted to be the leader, but she knew it had to be her. Everyone else was so wrapped up with their old feuds from the Enchanted Forest; they needed someone who could be fair and objective. Who could keep them all working in one direction. Emma knew it had to be her.

After they'd wandered in the woods for an hour, she wasn't so sure.

"Are we filming a nature documentary?" Regina asked from the back, the latest in a long line of complaints, each doled out between fits of sulking. Emma didn't know which she liked least. "Because so far, on this rescue mission, there have been zero rescues but a great number of bugs and exotic plant life. So if this is going to be narrated by Sigourney Weaver, we're doing a great job."

"We are looking for Henry," Emma said acidly. "Obviously, we won't meet with much success until we actually find him, but then, the job's done. Unless you have a better idea?"

"I am so glad you asked!" Regina said, sounding admittedly gleeful. She perched herself on a fallen log, making the others stop and turn to her to avoid leaving her behind. Mary-Margaret kept marching until David corralled her by the arm and pulled her back.

Regina was smiling widely—maybe she just wanted to be included, Emma thought—lit a fireball in her hands and passed it from palm to palm like a stress toy. "I say we burn this whole jungle to the ground. If the Lost Boys give us Henry, we stop. If not, it will considerably easier to find him with all this nature out of the way."

"So… your suggestion is a natural disaster," Emma said.

"Technically not, since I'll control the fire with magic, but call it what you will."

"Regina… no."

"Well, why not?" Regina stood up. "Who put you in charge, anyway? Did you call dibs? Is that how this works? You said you were the leader first and now we all have to do what you say?"

"I'm a neutral party and…" Emma gestured around. She'd been hoping no one would ask that. "You know… savior?"

"You were the Savior in Storybrooke," Regina said coolly. "There was a prophecy. Here, you're just a dumb blonde who's good at Frenching."

"Wait, Frenching?" David said, but Emma was steam-rolling over him.

"I am Henry's mother, who else should be leading the search for him?"

Regina's nostrils flared as if she were about to breathe fire. "Because it's wholly irrelevant, I won't point out that your motherhood consists of taking care of Henry for less than a year, when he's closer to being able to vote than to needing his diaper changed. That's not being a mother; that's being a babysitter. But it doesn't matter: when someone is murdered, you don't get their best friend to look for the killer. You get a detective, someone who is qualified and experienced. What experience do you have, Emma? I'm pretty sure the only place you've led people is to a buffet!"

"Okay, that doesn't even make sense! I'm thin!"

"Emma, maybe…" Mary-Margaret cleared her throat like she was practicing a breathing exercise. "Maybe she's right. Let's be reasonable about this: you're a princess, I'm a queen. Maybe I should be in charge."

"Excuse me?!" Emma and Regina said at the same time. Emma was too shocked at agreeing with Regina to continue, but Regina hated Mary-Margaret too much to stop.

"I'm queen!" Regina said. "You only become queen when I die. I should be in charge."

"May I just remind everyone that I'm the captain of the ship that brought us all here?" Hook said, 'rhetorically'. "And I have experience commanding pirates. Not small woodland creatures and dwarves, not faceless evil minions; PIRATES." The others were all looking to him, but not in the good sense of the phrase. "A vote for me is a vote for pirates."

"We're voting now?" David asked. He was still trying to figure out that Frenching comment.

"We are trying to be good guys," Mary-Margaret said. "Well, most of us. And democracy is good. So we should vote?"

"Fine." Regina set her hands on her hips. "I've never lost an election. Under my leadership, Storybrooke was a beacon of tolerance and understanding. Under the current, unlawful leadership, child kidnappings have increased almost one hundred percent—and let's not forget the administration's shamefully accusing an innocent woman of murdering her psychiatrist."

"Oh, the one time you didn't kill someone," Emma rolled her eyes.

"Your 'leadership' was placing the entire town under a magic spell!" Mary-Margaret continued. "You're not a leader, you're a SimCity player with cheat codes! Whereas I commanded an army to unseat an unlawful ruler and restore peace to the Enchanted Forest."

"You want to talk cheat codes?" Regina sneered. "You only won because you had a bunch of fairies helping you."

"That's really homophobic," Emma said.

"Literal fairies," Mary-Margaret told her.

"Oh."

"And after your so-called victory, you were in office for less than a year! Your only real crisis was me cursing all of you, and you handled that by sending a baby to New Jersey!"

"It worked, didn't it!?"

"Let's just vote," David said. He was pretty sure he'd figured out what Regina meant by Frenching and he didn't like it. "I think we all know where we stand on the issues, so why wait?"

"One second!" Mary-Margaret pulled Emma aside behind a grove of trees. "I want you to vote for me."

"Mom, c'mon, let me have this one."

"You're not ready for the big seat, sweetie. But if I'm elected, I'll make you my second-in-command. You can learn all about leadership from me!"

"I thought I was your second-in-command," David said, having been eavesdropping on them in case this was about the Regina-frenching.

"David," Mary-Margaret said in exasperation.

"Alright, fine. You've got my vote."

"Actually," Regina swanned through the trees, giving them a smile. "I think Emma and David's votes shouldn't be counted."

"What?"

"They're clearly biased," Regina said. "As Mary-Margaret's family members, they should recuse themselves from the electoral process. It's only fair."

"Oh, like any of us aren't related to each other?" Emma gestured disgustedly to Hook. "He's Neal's stepfather, Neal's Henry's father, Henry's my son, so I'm Hook's… wait… stepfather, father… shit."

"We'll limit it to blood relatives," Regina declared. "After all, if you can kiss someone who isn't a blood relative, surely you can vote for them."

Emma and Mary-Margaret colored and didn't look at each other.

"Fine, I didn't want to vote anyway!" Emma said.

David crossed his arms. "I, uh… I'd like to give Mary-Margaret my endorsement?"

Regina nodded at him. "Thank you, Charming, that's a great help to my decision-making. I vote for myself."

Mary-Margaret jerked her thumb into her chest. "I vote for myself as well!"

Emma looked around. "So I can't vote, David can't vote, Gold isn't here…" She pointed "The deciding vote's Hook? That can't be right…"

"No one wants to vote for me?" Hook spread his arms. "I'm a pirate! A pirate captain! I captain other pirates!"

"I find your stand on women's issues uninspiring," Mary-Margaret said. "That means stop hitting on my daughter."

"Captain Hooks!" Regina faced him clearly and directly, making brisk and efficient hand motions. "As a voter, I want you to strongly consider what the coming administration will do for you. Do you really want your leadership to censure a man for simply expressing interest in an attractive woman?"

"I was kidding!" Mary-Margaret laughed nervously. "Hook, you can hit on my daughter all you want!"

"Mom!"

"Hook—" Regina put her hand on his shoulder. "Think long and hard about what I can do for you in office. Long. And. Hard." She rhythmically pushed on the inside of her cheek with her tongue, bulging it outward.

"Uhhh… yes, I vote for Regina as well, yes."

"She can't do that!" Mary-Margaret cried.

"Why not?" Regina laughed. "It's how you got David's vote."

"David isn't even allowed to vote."

"Then I guess you fucked him for nothing." Regina waved her off dismissively.

"Hook!" Mary-Margaret threw herself in front of him. "I may not be that kind of girl, but I can offer you something much better than that!" She held out her hand.

"A handjob?"

"No! The hand of friendship!"

"Because it's actually been a while…" Hook held up his namesake. "This was the hand I used down there."

Mary-Margaret closed her eyes like a drunk trying to keep from vomiting. "Hook, I know we've had our differences, but I am offering you a place in a circle of family that will support you and love you unconditionally. Haven't you ever wanted to—to talk about a book you read with Ruby, or enjoy a hot drink with Leroy? Just those simple, human gestures of companionship that make life worth living. I know you haven't had an easy life—you probably can't even remember the last time you really knew your place in the world. But I am offering you a place of respect in our community. And isn't that what everyone wants? To be loved and cherished and accepted?"

Hook looked to Regina.

Regina licked her teeth.

"Yeah, still voting for her."

"Motherfucker!"

Emma was running her hands through her hair. "Okay, guys, can I get a minute with Regina?"

"Certainly. I like to hear from all my constituents." Regina smiled at Mary-Margaret. "And this will give my distinguished competition time to prepare her concession speech."

Mary-Margaret vibrated with anger as Emma and Regina stepped out into the jungle. After a few minutes, they returned.

"I'm changing my vote to Mary-Margaret," Regina said.

Mary-Margaret threw up her arms in celebration, before David wrapped his arms around her and lifted her in the air. Regina gave a desultory power salute. Hook nudged.

"Do I still get…?" He pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek.

"Yes. You may push your tongue against the inside of your cheek as much as you want."

Pretty soon, Emma got pulled into Mary-Margaret and David's victory celebration. She usually didn't like being touched but oh, well, hugging.

"Wait," Mary-Margaret said. "How'd you get Regina to vote against herself? Usually it takes her a lot longer to self-destruct like that."

"I just told her that I'd owe her one."

"Owe her one what?"

Mary-Margaret turned to Regina, who shrugged eloquently.

"Let's just say men aren't the only ones who can lose office over a sex scandal."


End file.
